I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
