I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
