1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
