OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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