so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
