my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
