so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
