He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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