he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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