After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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