You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
