The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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