mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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