I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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