yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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