you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
