I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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