puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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