in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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