It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
