SEEEEXXX PLEASE
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
