The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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