Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
