Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
