Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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