Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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