I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
