CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
