I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
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