if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
