He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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