My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize