I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
