u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize