We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
