ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
