I'm so fucking centered right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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