what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
