My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
