If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
