There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
