New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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