I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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