Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
