Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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