Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
