He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
