yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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