he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
