So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
