Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
