You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
