I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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