I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
