Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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