shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You can't special order awesome
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
