It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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