I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
