Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize