from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
