Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
