Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
