Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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