so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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