I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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