I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
