you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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