If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
