dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Everyone says I win the strip club
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
