The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
