i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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