Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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